I Am Afraid

I may look like strong, but deep within, I’m afraid like everyone else.

Sometimes I lie awake thinking about the future. With all these things I’m writing, with all these things I’m arguing and questioning, I wonder if it would cause good or bad to people (I’m hoping it’s good).

I may not be in the position to give advice and solve world problems, but hey, I believe it’s a good thing to share what I’ve been learning through self-reinvention and self-education.

And I hope it would help people in some way.

But I’m no expert of anything and I aspire never to become one. As Frank Lloyd Wright famously said, “An expert is a man who has stopped thinking because ‘he knows.’”

And that’s probably one of the reasons I’m afraid — because I understand I’m no expert.

I’m afraid of what people may think about my worldview. I’m afraid of what may happen to my music and writing projects — my band will hit the studio next week and I’ve stopped writing my e-book to concentrate on music and job. Even worse, I’m afraid my boss will fire me for being unproductive.

I’m afraid of the critics. I’m afraid to lose money and waste time. I’m afraid I might offend someone. I’m afraid I will end up a failure. I’m afraid no one will embrace my art and I’ll be jobless.

I am afraid, I am.

But then I realized, being afraid is normal. Yes, it’s normal. Because life is too big to understand yet too short to live, we are afraid of losing everything we have earned and everyone we love.

We are afraid of the uncertainties, the unknown, and the things we don’t truly understand.

We are afraid no one will remember us when we die. We are afraid what will happen to our kids, our families, our businesses, our projects when we die — yes, there are more things to be afraid of.

That’s why we love the idea of YOLO and Follow your heart. That’s why we love social media connection. That’s why we love religion.

So it’s not just me (or you), then. Everyone’s afraid of something. But that’s okay — it’s one of the things that makes life interesting.

And if there’s only one truth to remind ourselves, it’s that, we’re just tiny dots in the universe (including the things we’re afraid of).

TINY dots…

Have a great day. 😉

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Jade Panugan

Some interesting questions about life and human behavior: What if there's no money? Why we often feel the urge to prove that we're right and others are wrong? Why we react to things beyond our control? Why we hate? Why it's hard to be content? I don't have all the answers, do you? Let's chat.