I May Be Confused, But I Know What I Want

I thought I would be the happiest person when I started a band and wrote metal music. I thought my path to greatness would be smooth and all I’d do is keep honing my craft even my fingers bleed I wouldn’t stop.

I thought I could play the guitar and compose melodies for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t fall in love with other things.

But then I fell in love with writing.

I started a blog, read a lot of blog posts and books, and never stop writing. I thought I had it figured out. I thought it would be easy to write and share my curiosities and journey and sentiments and learning and maybe rant.

Much later, when I realized how hard it is to feed myself from playing music and writing, I kind of think that I might have been wrong all along.

My skills, my positivity, my hustle don’t guarantee anything. No matter how confident I am on what I want to achieve, sooner or later, I might fall in love with other things and maybe I’d set aside playing music and writing. I don’t know.

A few months ago, I wanted to try animation, film making, podcasting, sound engineering, photography, video editing, and many other things. I’ve started a few of them, but couldn’t continue. I’m still more in love with music and writing.

Am I confused? Maybe yes. Or maybe no.

Sam Sombiro, my college Philosophy professor, once said, “When we’re confused, that’s normal. That means we’re thinking.”

He was right.

I’m confused because I’m thinking too much and I want to make sure I’m doing it right and there are so many things I want to achieve. And that’s normal, right?

But here’s one thing I’ve figured out, which I believe you need to learn too:

Every time I’m confused, I make sure I still know what I really want in life, and I’m still doing it.

Because learning a new skill or making a crazy art takes time, and since time is limited, we have to sacrifice other things. If we can’t sacrifice, then accept we’re not completely in love with that new thing. In the words of Julien Smith,

“Everything you care about, everything you are about, needs to begin today or it may never happen. If you don’t want to do it now, you clearly don’t want it bad enough.”

I may be confused to try animation or film making or podcasting, whatever but I don’t want to set aside writing or music temporarily to give them a try. Maybe in the near future, who knows?

What about you? Do you want to try something new but felt confused? Let’s chat.

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Twitter.

Have a great day.

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Jade Panugan

I follow my curiosity and write to understand. I love to cultivate my passions, craft new ideas, nurture wisdom, and learn more about life. I believe we're here not just to pursue our desires, but also, seek understanding, help each other, and make a difference. If there's anything you want to discuss or share, contact me.