It’s so easy to get drowned when there’s a problem. So easy to blame. Easy to run.
Our default is to react (and curse) — “Shit! Stupid! Wtf! Come on!”
But any form of action has an equal or opposite reaction (Newton’s Third Law). That means those you consider “problems” are actually the “reactions”.
Something happened (action) and it causes a problem (reaction).
As long as you’re acting on something, there will always be problems. Maybe not now, but more likely in the future.
Even not acting may also lead to a problem. Either way, you’ll encounter it.
The most common advice you can hear is: Don’t focus on the problem. Focus on finding a solution.
While it sounds easy and straightforward, that’s not our default. Common sense, but not common practice.
I’m not a master of it either. Every time an unexpected problem arises, I sometimes forget to catch myself. I rage and blame others.
So here’s what I’m proposing:
When a problem arises and you’re about to burst, isolate yourself for a while so you avoid blaming others or making a scene.
Go to your room or any place where you can be alone with your thoughts and emotions. If you can scream or shout without making a commotion, go do it.
That is your dedicated time for reaction.
But here’s the most important thing:
Limit that reaction time.
Depends on you. 5 minutes? 10 minutes?
Whatever you think is reasonable.
The goal here is to minimize that time and energy for unnecessary reactions.
And instead, maximize the time and energy for finding solutions.
After all, that’s all we want.
Solutions. Not reactions.